Notes - The Family Firm

October 7, 2024

Introduction

This book focuses on parenting children between the ages of five and twelve. The author, Emily Oster, acknowledges that while parenting decisions for this age range are less frequent than those for babies, they are often more complex. Oster, who has written two previous data-driven parenting books, Expecting Better and Cribsheet, realized that as her children grew older, data alone was insufficient for tackling the unique challenges of parenting school-age children. She found that data needed to be combined with a structured decision-making framework, which led her to develop the “Family Firm” approach.

Oster argues that families can benefit from adopting a more business-like approach to decision-making, similar to how a firm operates. She emphasizes the importance of establishing a clear “Big Picture” for the family, outlining shared values, priorities, and logistical details like daily routines and weekend plans. She also advocates for treating household responsibilities like tasks within a firm, suggesting the use of tools like Google Docs and task management apps for efficient coordination.

The book also emphasizes the importance of establishing clear family principles, which are more specific than the overall family mission statement but general enough to guide frequent decisions. These principles serve as a triage system for parenting, similar to how an emergency room uses predetermined protocols for efficient patient care.

To illustrate how the “Family Firm” approach can be applied to a specific decision, Oster uses the example of deciding the right kindergarten entry age for a child, also known as “redshirting”.

Chapter 1

The first step in creating a successful “Family Firm” is to develop a clear “Big Picture,” which involves defining the family’s mission and aligning on values and priorities. This includes not only broad goals like raising thoughtful children but also addressing practical questions like what a typical Thursday night should look like.

Oster stresses that clearly articulating these logistical details is crucial to avoid conflicts, especially in households with multiple decision-makers. For instance, failing to agree on the importance of a fixed bedtime can lead to disagreements and tension.

The process of creating the Big Picture is ongoing and requires revisiting as children age. However, Oster emphasizes the importance of starting early, as decisions made during the school-age years will shape family life for a significant period.

She outlines two steps in this process:

Step 1: Values and Priorities: This involves all parenting stakeholders, including children if they are old enough. Each person writes down:

• A one-sentence family mission statement
• Three main goals for the children
• Three personal priorities for each adult
• Three must-do activities on weekdays
• Three must-do activities on weekends

Oster believes that writing down goals and priorities helps families be more deliberate in their choices.

Step 2: The Details:

• Schedule: Everyone creates a realistic weekly schedule, including details about how tasks like meal preparation will be handled. This allows for open communication and alignment on time management.
• Principles: Families establish specific rules, beyond the mission statement, to guide frequently occurring situations. For instance, a principle could be “Bedtime is at 8 p.m.”. These principles help streamline decision-making and minimize conflict.
• Responsibilities: Family members, including children, are assigned specific responsibilities. This fosters a sense of shared ownership and can involve tools like task management apps for effective coordination.

Chapter 2

The "Four Fs" framework is designed to help families make important decisions in a structured and efficient way. The framework helps families make a deliberate choice without letting those choices completely dominate their lives. The Four Fs stand for:

1. Frame the Question: Clearly define the decision that needs to be made.
2. Fact-Find: Gather relevant information, including data, research, and logistical details.
3. Final Decision: Hold a meeting to discuss the gathered information and make a final choice.
4. Follow-Up: Plan a specific time to revisit the decision and assess whether it needs adjustments.

This framework is particularly useful for decisions with long-term consequences, such as choosing a school, deciding on extracurricular activities, or determining the appropriate age for a child to get a phone. The “Four Fs” framework was used when deciding whether to take the children to see the musical Frozen.

Chapter 3

This chapter highlights the benefits of utilizing common workplace tools for family organization and decision-making. Oster suggests that families can benefit from tools like Google Docs, shared calendars, and task management apps. These tools can help:

• Facilitate the “Four Fs” decision-making framework: Keeping track of information, deadlines, and responsibilities can be challenging, especially when multiple people are involved.
• Coordinate schedules and activities: A shared calendar helps families stay organized and avoids conflicts, especially when dealing with busy schedules.
• Share information and responsibilities: A task management system or shared Google Doc can help distribute household information and responsibilities, reducing mental load on individual family members.

Oster emphasizes that using these tools promotes transparency and avoids misunderstandings or conflicts. She argues that by leveraging technology, families can reduce stress and improve overall efficiency.

Chapter 4

Sleep is an essential biological process that is crucial for both physical and cognitive health. Despite its importance, the exact reasons why sleep is so vital remain somewhat unclear. It is clear that sleep plays a crucial role in various functions, including memory consolidation and brain waste removal.

Children, in particular, require adequate sleep for healthy growth and development. The recommended amount of sleep for children between the ages of four and thirteen is nine to eleven hours per night. Adequate sleep for children is associated with improved academic performance. It is not only the duration of sleep that matters, but also the quality of sleep. Factors like sleep quality and daytime sleepiness can significantly impact a child's ability to function and perform well academically.

Determining the right amount of sleep for each child can be challenging, as sleep needs can vary from child to child. Observing a child's behavior and sleep patterns can provide insights into whether they are getting enough sleep. For example, if a child consistently falls asleep quickly or sleeps in much later on weekends, it could indicate a need for more sleep.

Chapter 6

This chapter examines the impact of maternal work on child outcomes, specifically focusing on test scores and obesity rates. While it might seem intuitive to assume a direct causal relationship, Oster cautions against drawing hasty conclusions. She points out that simply comparing children of working and non-working mothers does not account for other potential influencing factors.

Meta-analyses, which combine data from multiple studies, suggest that the effects of maternal work on children's test scores are generally small and often statistically insignificant. The impact of maternal work appears to be more pronounced in higher-income families. This suggests that in families where children might have access to “enriching” activities with a stay-at-home parent, maternal employment could potentially lead to children missing out on those opportunities.

Oster emphasizes the need to be deliberate in structuring children's time, particularly in terms of after-school care and activities. It’s important to consider factors like food options, supervision, and access to enriching activities when making decisions about work and childcare.

Chapter 8

This chapter explores various aspects of schooling, including school choice, homework, and the process of learning to read. Oster acknowledges the significant impact school decisions have on children's lives, considering they spend a considerable amount of time in school.

She discusses different types of schools:

• Charter Schools: Charter schools have shown positive effects on test scores, especially in lower-performing school districts. They tend to be more beneficial in areas where traditional public schools are struggling.
• Private Schools: Determining the effectiveness of private schools is more complex, as many other factors are associated with private school attendance. Oster notes that research on private schools often lacks the same level of robust evidence as research on charter schools, making it difficult to draw definitive conclusions.

Oster also delves into:

• School Characteristics: Research indicates that smaller class sizes, experienced teachers, and frequent teacher feedback are associated with better student outcomes. However, it’s important to consider other factors beyond test scores when evaluating schools, such as community focus, values alignment, and extracurricular offerings.
• Homework: The effectiveness of homework remains a contentious topic. Oster acknowledges arguments both for and against homework, highlighting the potential benefits of reinforcement and skill development, as well as the concerns about excessive workload and potential negative impacts on well-being. She suggests that well-designed homework programs can be beneficial, particularly for older students.
• Extra School and Tutoring: Evidence suggests that tutoring can improve academic performance, particularly in areas like math. However, it’s important to consider the cost of tutoring in terms of time and financial resources.
• Learning to Read: Oster discusses different approaches to teaching reading, highlighting the importance of phonics-based instruction. She emphasizes that understanding the science behind reading can help parents make informed decisions about their children's literacy development. She also suggests that cultivating a love of reading requires making time for it, providing age-appropriate and engaging materials, and recognizing that reading preferences can vary significantly.

Chapter 9

This chapter focuses on extracurricular activities and the summer break.

Oster suggests that extracurricular activities can provide numerous benefits:

• Social Development: They offer opportunities for children to develop social skills, build friendships, and experience a sense of belonging.
• Skill Development: They can help children explore their interests, develop new skills, and gain valuable experiences.
• Character Building: Some extracurricular activities, such as scouting, have been associated with positive character development, including leadership skills and prosocial behavior.

She acknowledges the importance of balancing extracurricular involvement with other aspects of a child’s life, such as academics and family time.

Oster also discusses:

• Summer Break: She acknowledges the potential for “summer learning loss” , but also emphasizes the importance of summer for providing unique learning opportunities and fostering a sense of balance .
• Summer Camps: Summer camps, particularly sleepaway camps, can offer social and emotional benefits, especially for children who may feel marginalized or struggle socially in their usual environment. Sleepaway camps can also foster independence and resilience.
• Summer School: Summer school can be beneficial for academic advancement or remediation , but it’s important to weigh its potential benefits against other valuable summer experiences .

Chapter 10

This chapter examines strategies for raising emotionally healthy children. While academic achievement often takes center stage, Oster emphasizes the significance of nurturing children’s emotional well-being, including developing social skills, building resilience, and fostering self-confidence.

She discusses:

• Bullying: Research on anti-bullying programs suggests that thoughtful and well-designed interventions can be effective in reducing bullying incidents and promoting positive social interactions. Programs that focus on empathy training, problem-solving skills, and anger management, like Second Step, have shown promising results.
• Self-Esteem: Oster cautions against an overemphasis on self-esteem that is not grounded in actual achievements. She believes that true self-esteem stems from mastering skills and overcoming challenges, rather than receiving empty praise.
• Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): CBT is a short-term, practical approach to therapy that focuses on changing negative thought patterns and developing coping mechanisms. Research suggests that CBT can be effective in addressing a range of mental health challenges, including anxiety and depression.

Chapter 11

This chapter addresses the pervasive influence of screens in children’s lives. Oster acknowledges that while screens are often demonized, they are not inherently bad. She emphasizes the importance of establishing a balanced and thoughtful approach to screen time, recognizing that screens can be both educational and entertaining.

She discusses:

• Screen Time Trends: Children spend a significant amount of time watching television and engaging with other screens. While data on the impact of social media on mental health is mixed, Oster stresses the importance of paying attention to individual children's responses to screen time, noting that some children may experience negative effects while others may not.
• Phones: Deciding when to give a child a phone is a significant decision for many families. Oster recommends using the “Four Fs” framework to guide this decision, considering factors like safety, social pressure, and the child’s maturity level. She also suggests establishing clear rules and limits on phone use, such as a family phone policy, to ensure responsible usage.

Chapter 12 (Conclusion)

In the final chapter, Oster reiterates the key takeaways of the book, emphasizing the importance of a structured and data-driven approach to decision-making in the context of parenting. She encourages parents to embrace a “Family Firm” mindset, establishing clear goals, principles, and responsibilities. She also highlights the importance of being deliberate in choices, recognizing that while data can inform decisions, it is not always definitive and must be considered alongside personal values and priorities.

Oster concludes by acknowledging the inherent challenges and uncertainties of parenting, emphasizing that even with a structured approach, there will be unexpected situations and difficult choices. Ultimately, the goal is to make informed and thoughtful decisions that are aligned with the family’s values and priorities, fostering a positive and supportive environment for children’s growth and development.